Monday, May 28, 2007

New Jersey Fun Stuff

Walpack Center

A super awesome abandoned town. The government bought it in the 60s and kicked everyone out so they could create a new reservoir. But then they didn't create a new reservoir. Sweet.

Lucy the Elephant
Margate, NJ.

"A spectacle that according to historians made many coastwise seamen of the tramp ships from the West Indies swear off their rum rations for days."

Download and listen to the Lucy Jingle here.

Cape May
Cape May, NJ is awesome for the following reasons:

1. The Atlantis
One of 12 concrete ships in service during World War I. It sunk (obviously) and you can still see it sticking out:

2. WWII Bunker

The bunker was built by the US Army Corps of Engineers during the early months of the Second World War. It contained heavy artillery and was manned by a rotating detail of naval gunnery crews, who spent hours on end scanning the horizon for enemy surface ships and submarines. Super cool.

Indoor Entertainment Announcement #2

1. Carcassonne (duh)

2. Bang!

3. Gloom

4. Warriors: The Game

Thursday, May 24, 2007

It's time to discuss the ride down...

For the three or so people who are coming with me: we leave late on Saturday night (the 2nd) and drive to my Mom's house in CT where we will sleep for free and probably be fed and chatted with in the morning/afternoon. Then we make a mad dash for New Jersey to meet up with Stacie and Dale, at which point we will explore, celebrate, take advantage of, and otherwise enjoy the crazy weird shit that this amazing state has to offer.

Here are some options:
1. Hunt the Jersey Devil (please see video below)

2. Abandoned Asbury Park
I'm feeling a little ambivalent about going here since it's being all fixed up and shit = not as cool.

3. Jungle Habitat

From Weird NJ:
"Jungle Habitat closed around 1976 I think. As the story goes from what I know, it was like a Great Adventure thing - You drove through and the animals roamed around and stuff. As I know it, the owner allegedly stole a whole bunch of money. So that he wouldn’t have to pay it back, he fled, letting loose all of the animals."

4. The Paulinskill Viaduct
A top priority for me. Super cool and not policed.

more to come...

Friday, May 18, 2007

**Special Dale-Oriented Activity Post**

There's a super-sweet new awesome thing to do in MB called MagiQuest! You totally walk around with a wicked awesome motion-sensor wand (that you design!) and like point it at flat screens and "other items built-in to trees, mountains and other parts of the Realm." What's the crazy point?? Because the MagiQuest Pixies are trixters at heart or some shit! Hahahahahahaha, yay!!

What the kids are saying:
"The coolest place"
"Too cool!"
"Cool, fun, awesome"
"It is the best ever, you have to go there, it is the bomb!"**

**Comments not actually spoken by kids.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

My Blog "Rivals"

So I've been looking around, but it seems like there are very few people blogging exclusively about MB. Those that do are frankly pathetic.

There's this one, which claims to be "Rants by a Myrtle Beach Local," but in reality provides no true insight, with posts like "Timewarner Cable @#$%#$s!!!" and "Lame, Lame I am at Blogging." Indeed.

Then there's this guy. I have some respect for him since, like me, he got creative with the spelling of "beach." Way to go! However, he hasn't posted since June 7, 2006, which is lame. However, as this is when we'll all be there, I thought it would be useful to hear what he had to say:

"The beach is packed with hot girls and cool dudes this week - there will be thousands more next week. com eon and join us and get the parrty started!"

Aside from his obnoxious non-proofreading, I think that this kid is on to something! This is a picture I found after doing a search in Google Images for "hot girls cool dudes:"

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Who wants to start planning for next year...?

Three major roller coasters, including one themed by an undisclosed band, a cafe reminiscent of the '60s and a Jamaica-themed water play area are among the attractions that will fill the Hard Rock Park.

About the park:
Opening | Spring 2008
Where | off U.S. 501 in Fantasy Harbour
Cost | $400 million
Acres | 140

The park will have zones catering to different genres:

Rock & Roll Heaven | Explores the feelings and emotions "behind the music," including the influences and the legends

British Invasion | Celebrates rock 'n' roll English-style. The look and feel of London creates a backdrop to explore rock's most influential artists and musical genres

Lost in the 70's | An indoor mall featuring the '70s genres of punk, disco and glam

Born in the USA
| Salutes the birthplace and "melting pot" of rock

Cool Country
| The music of the South

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Indoor Entertainment Announcement #1

Guitar Hero I and II will be present and available for play in MB. I would ask that you please take the time between now and June to practice so that I may have a passable competitor.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"No, not laser one gets hurt."

John doesn't want to play laser-tag. He wants to play paintball. Hello, there's totally a paintball place in MB.

Now you may be asking yourself, "But how does God fit in here?" Funny you should ask. If you go to church and can prove it, I think you get a discount on Sundays. Not really that good of a deal. I bet those nerds from Campus Crusade for Christ played here.

So, as I was saying before you interrupted, if anyone is inclined, paintball is hella available. Paintball USA (not to be confused with Paintball Afghanistan®) has several differently-themed courses to play on and a truly top-notch beverage vending machine.

There's "Village":


And my favorite, "Spool" (which looks suspiciously like "Village"):

Paintball Holdharmless & Waiver

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Some things we won't be doing.

We will not be going here.
Nor here.
We will extra not be going here.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


People who are doin' the drive:
You may be wonderin' how we're going to get to MB, huh? You're probably all worried and thinkin', "Ugh, I hope it's not all cramped. I hope I don't have to sit too close to anyone or touch or talk to anyone." Well, don't frackin' worry about it! Check out this sweet ride:

I know it doesn't look like much, but it seats seven and can fit approximately four suitcases!

We are goin' to make some sweet memories in this thing.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dixie Stampede Job Opening - Skeeter

MC/Comedian - Myrtle Beach, SC

Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede is seeking qualified candidates to fill the leading roles of Master of Ceremonies and Comedian for its production Myrtle Beach, SC.

Performing nightly to thousands, the MC is a combination ringmaster and musical theater star requiring a strong vocal and physical stage presence, pleasant singing voice, dynamic personality and outstanding showmanship.

The Comedian performs the role of "Skeeter" a country stable-hand who constantly interrupts the show with his zany schemes and hilarious comedy.

Competitive pay and benefits.

Submit resume w/ headshot to:
For more information call Ken McCabe at 407-238-2777

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Official, revised and otherwise amended dates. Fuck. Sorry.

SRSLY OFFICIAL: May 30th-June 6th. Give or take.

Last time, I pwomise: June 4th - June 11th

Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede!

"Amidst the fog, the sound of beating hooves begins to grow…
the crowd watches in amazement and the excitement spreads throughout the grand arena…suddenly, as if by magic, a herd of wild buffalo appears."

Dixie Stampede began as a dream for world-renowned singer and entertainer Dolly Parton. The first location opened in Pigeon Forge, just outside the entrance to Dolly's own theme park, Dollywood. It’s more than a dinner and show; it’s Dolly Parton's own creation. "I wanted to recreate the family fun of my childhood, when we'd gather for a friendly competition and enjoy a more-than-filling meal," says Dolly Parton. "With the grand entertainment of our horses and performers, along with a delicious meal, Dixie Stampede is the most fun place to eat anywhere."

Speaking of eating, you can get the "traditional" meat meal, or the "vegetarian option," which appears to just be the traditional meal without the meat. Both include unlimited Pepsi in a mason jar! Killer!

Check out the spectacular promotional videos here.

I predict that this will be a thoroughly white and delightful experience.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Ripley's® amusement museum-type attractions.

The Ripley's® Entertainment Corporation, Inc. has been busy since the last time I went to MB. According to the corporate website:
"Ripley’s Believe It or Not! is the largest, fastest growing, and most successful chain of amusement museum-type attractions in the world! Ripley Entertainment spends millions of dollars on advertising and promotion of Ripley’s Believe It or Not! museums and attractions, initiating an extensive worldwide franchising plan that has been instrumental in expanding the company."

Holy shit©! The only thing I remember is the Ripley's® Believe It or Not!® Museum®:

It's got all kinds of srsly crazy shit like the World's Largest Ball of String™, the mermaid baby™, and this super rad Nikki Sixx bat™:

Now there are all these other Ripley's® amusement museum-type attractions that we can go to!

Ripley's® Aquarium

"Ripley's® Aquarium is a $40 million, state-of-the-art, 87,000 square-foot aquarium experience, located at Broadway at the Beach in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It is South Carolina's most visited attraction, where guests are entertained by some of the world's most beautiful, fascinating and dangerous aquatic life."

Ripley's® 4-D Moving Theater™

"The Ripley's® 4-D Moving Theater™ system combines a high impact 70 mm film experience with computer controlled hydraulic seats that move in conjunction with the action being viewed on the screen. A dynamic surround sound system and extra large screen bring the 'ride' to life as movie goers are thrust into the 4-dimensional picture and feel every bump, dip and turn."

Ripley's Haunted Adventure®

"Ripley's Haunted Adventure® is an unbelievably scary tour of the old Grimsby & Streaper Casket Company, a company that had been run by two men since 1891 until they mysteriously disappeared. The disappearances and odd happenings in town were blamed on the fact that the company was built over a cave called The Sink, where many entered but never left! Ripley Entertainment Inc. recently acquired the property and has been giving tours of the building to those that are brave enough to dare enter!"

Ripley’s® Super Fun Zone®

"Ripley’s® Super Fun Zone® is a new addition to Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach. This state of the art arcade features the latest technology in the arcade industry. Interactive, hi-tech games are sure to provide hours of high energy excitement to your visit. After playing, you can redeem your winnings for fabulous prizes!"

[Ripley’s® is a registered trademark of Ripley Entertainment Inc. ©2007 All Rights Reserved]
[DonutJessica® is a registered trademark of DJP Amusements Inc, ©2007 All Rights Reserved]

Thursday, March 15, 2007

NASCAR for the rest of us.

NASCAR SpeedPark Myrtle Beach features:
  • 7 Exciting tracks
  • 2 NASCAR Themed Miniature Golf Courses
  • NASCAR Silicon Motor Speedway
  • Kiddie Rides
  • Speed Bumper Boats
  • State of the art SpeedDome Arcade
  • NASCAR Merchandise and Apparel
  • Snack Bar

What more do you fucking want?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Oh, the miniature golf we'll play.

There are like 90 miniature golf courses in MB. Most are pirate- and/or dinosaur-themed. Some provoke horrific 9-11/Cory Lidle flashbacks:

R.I.P., friend.

These are some other ones:

Adventure Falls Golf, Buccaneer Bay Miniature Golf, Captain Hook Golf, Dragon's Lair Fantasy Golf, Hawaiian Rumble, Jungle Lagoon, Jungle Safari, Jurassic Golf, Lost Treasure Golf, Ocean Adventure Miniature Golf, Pirate's Watch, Hawaiian Caverns, Safari Golf, Spyglass Adventure Golf and Treasure Island Golf.

My favorite is Mount Atlanticus Minotaur Goff (that's how they spell it--isn't that crazy?!):

It's got everything: dinosaurs, mythology, water, fire, earth, bridges, thatched huts and shrubbery.